Peace?

I desire the peace and anonymity that only comes with living in solitude. I have grown weary of being judged for what I not am, or scolded for what I am perceived to be. I only feel true acceptance and understanding from three or four people in my life (and for that I am blessed). In a way, I am complaining. But I am mostly just so very...tired.

Love.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

-Neil Gaiman

Worth it?

Nothing worthwhile comes easily. The amount of hard work you put in reflects the value it holds within your heart.

So....Tir...ed......zZZZzz

I am so tired that I can no longer feel my face!

Oh sleep, why do you evade me?

Exhaustion

Every time I am having a totally insane period of time, as I have been lately, and I get annoyed with how exhausted I am...I simply remind myself...

I am blessed, I am blessed...I am blessed to have such opportunity, to be able to attend school as endlessly as I do, to be able to be exhausted by as something as privileged as my education, to have the incredible support network that I do, and most importantly: to be alive.

No, I haven't forgotten that I stared death's seedy face right in the eye...It's been about 7 months since my accident, and I am still working towards the many things I realized I must do when I emerged from the fog of my accident.

I am blessed, I am blessed.

I don't understand...

...There has to be a better way?

Wandering soul trip to India + Southeast Asia this summer? I sure hope so...

<3